37. Crass - Who Dunnit? (Crass)

Two weeks at number one from w/e 30th July 1983

Sometimes political records treat the music itself as a bit of an afterthought. For every Joe Strummer or Billy Bragg creating records which stand the test of time as good rock music as well as political protest, there have been many attempts where the medium has been used (or abused) purely to carry some slogans beyond a cause or campaign.

Besides that, often people just want to dream use the charts as a medium for their message. As recently as 2020, Basildon controversy seekers Kunt and The Gang released the single “Boris Johnson is a Fucking Cunt”, then followed it up in 2021 with “Boris Johnson is Still a Fucking Cunt”, two snappy diatribes, the latter of which – thanks to the group’s weaponising of social media, digital music streaming and their fanbase - got to number 5 in the national charts at Christmastime. It’s doubtful anybody who bought either of their singles still plays them for pleasure; the motivation for buying both seems to have been anger, and the sense that the charts were there to be gamed to send a message to Number 10 during the Sunday Teatime chart rundown. Neither are truly terrible records, but nor is Mr Kunt in the business of attempting to pen poignant classics.

Nor is this behaviour unique to people on the left. It’s doubtful that any of Kunt and The Gang’s fans bought George Bowyer’s stiff and commanding 1998 single “Guardians of The Land”, a tepid and tacky CD protest single triggered by the Labour Party’s fox hunting ban (though barely mentioning the details of that “sport” in its lyrics). Countryside Alliance told their members that if they all went out and bought a copy, they should expect a number one – in the event, it managed one week at number 33 and if you’ve forgotten all about it, I wouldn’t be surprised. Most of the people who bought it probably have as well.

Perhaps, given all that, it shouldn't be a shock that the indie chart provides us with an example at the absolute extreme end of the spectrum here. I doubt Crass had the means or even motivation to hype “Who Dunnit” into the national top 40, but it’s the ultimate anarchistic souvenir single. Side A features Crass and some “mates in the pub” singing “Birds put the turd in custard/ But who put the turd in Number Ten?” over and over again in response to the recent General Election result, while a few bits of inconsequential half-baked comedy happen in the background. The B side is more of the same.

The single came on translucent brown vinyl housed in a transparent “evidence” bag, which was placed inside a cover containing turd-and-tissue art. It wasn’t the first time Crass had attempted to use a record to make a statement rather than be listened to for enjoyment – their Casiotone Christmas 45 in 1981 also did that job – and wouldn’t be the last.

There are two dominant theories about why this record existed. One is that the group were wounded by the 1983 General Election result and it was a deliberately hopeless response to that. The other is that they were increasingly tired of boneheaded punks buying their singles and barely paying any attention to the sleevenotes or lyrics, and wanted to leave them in no doubt about their political leanings.

While both theories arguably have a grain of truth about them, this sits alongside a run of other 1983 indie number ones which all, one way or another, tell us something about the mood among a certain section of society. Elvis Costello and Tom Robinson were deemed serious artists – whatever that means in practice - but were producing lyrically scattershot, angry, fearful records which sounded nothing like Crass, but had the same feeling of elasticated lyrical lines barely managing to contain all their rage and ideas.

“Who Dunnit?” is a u-turn, a simple, deflated and defeated, dumb chant from intro to fade with little left to say. Whodunnit? Well, the British Electorate of course. All you can do is drink the bar dry, let out a primal scream and wait another few years before anything you do might have a notable impact. Costello got his word in before the election, articulate and clear, almost (you could say) smug in his knowingness. Crass are the noise of the wake afterwards. I wouldn’t want to listen to it again, but nor would I really want to relive any of the wakes I’ve been to.

Is it good music? Fuck, no. Does it work as a statement despite of/ because of that? Let’s just say you probably had to be there.

Elsewhere In The Charts

Week One


13. March Violets – Crow Baby (Merciful Release)

Peak position: 9

Goths loved the dependable beat of an early eighties drum machine, and it’s all over “Crow Baby”, with the group sketching their ideas about a pagan society with energy and dramatic flourishes over the top. “Back to the stone age!” they sing, but you can’t help but think that, like so many eighties ideas, this is pure escapism – nobody in March Violets was really going to be a dab hand at stone age monument building. For a start, their lack of a drummer with strength and practicality reduced the odds of that significantly. Your Roland rhythm box isn’t going to put henges up for you as well, kids.




21. APB – One Day (Oily)

Peak position: 10

APB come surprisingly close to sounding like Chic in the intro here, and the group sound tighter and more muscular than on previous singles, fat basslines and smooth vocals combining to urge you to get down. The message isn’t necessarily celebratory, though, sounding like one young man’s confused impasse in a stuffy bedsit: “One Day like any other/ you do what you want/ but you want something better”.




27. The Danse Society – There Is No Shame In Death (Society)

Peak position: 27


30. Poison Girls – One Good Reason (Illuminated)

Peak position: 14


Week Two


15. Strawberry Switchblade – Trees and Flowers (92 Happy Customers)

Peak position: 4

There’s been much debate among Strawberry Switchblade fans about whether this single offers us a glimpse of where the band might have gone had that meddling major label not stuck their oar in. “Trees and Flowers” is a bare, sweet and sour folkish lament to agoraphobia, having barely any resemblance to their big electronic pop productions on WEA, combining fear and defiance with creepy gentleness.

The group’s managers Bill Drummond and David Balfe arranged for Will Sergeant to issue this on his fledgling 92 Happy Customers label. It made for a mysterious, appropriately DIY home for the pair, creating a press and industry buzz which in the first half of 1985 exploded into a media sensation. One major top five hit (the superb “Since Yesterday”) and endless television appearances and photo shoots followed, none seeming to sustain the group beyond their initial burst of promise.

Blame has endlessly been apportioned in various directions for this state of affairs, from Balfe right down to video director Tim Pope, but for a very brief moment two strange, single-minded women from working class Glasgow went from bare-bones obscurity to centremost in everyone’s attention. It’s hard to predict much of what was up ahead from this track, but the contradictions in their style and delivery are already apparent.




17. The Birthday Party – Release The Bats (4AD) – (re-entry)

Peak position on chart re-run: 12

Best to go back to the relevant entry to read about the sixth ever NME Indie Chart number one.


19. Affairs Of The Heart – Waterloo Sunset (Heartbeat)

Peak position: 19

Synth-pop take on the Ray Davies classic. In the group’s hands, the song becomes a sports car gliding along the South Bank with all its lights flashing, rather than a mournful reflection from a hospital ward window. It’s up to you whether you have the appetite for that or not (I don’t) but at least it’s a spirited reinvention rather than a respectful carbon copy.

This was the group’s only single, although lead singer Joolz would go on to join Bristol punks Vice Squad.




22. Newtown Neurotics - Blitzkrieg Bop (Razor)

Peak position: 18

This is a carbon copy cover, though, and an early example of punk eating itself and turning into a heritage industry. Newtown Neurotics would become one of the more enduring bands on the circuit, and it’s hard to understand why this Ramones tribute had to be done – even the second track on Side B (“I Remember You”) is a Ramones cover, suggesting that fandom sometimes can’t help but express itself away from the soundcheck and the rehearsal room.




25. The System - Is Murder EP (Spiderleg)

Peak position: 19


30. King Kurt - Zulu Beat! (Thin Sliced) – re-entry


Peak position on re-run: 25


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Number One In The Official Charts

Paul Young - "Wherever I Lay My Hat (That's My Home)" (CBS)