Three weeks at number one from 16th November 1985
The Cramps were a strange group, though; their obsession with trashy, furious old school rock and roll and B movies made them seem a heavy influence on the psychobilly scene, which by 1985 was only just shifting downwards from its 83/84 peak. Then their proclivity towards PVC stagewear and even on-stage nudity, plus the use of heavy make up and the aforementioned horror flicks, gave them an appeal to the more vampish goths. Punks also appreciated the high-paced attacks they threw into all their songs, and then there were weirdos like Mark E Smith who appreciated them purely for being fellow outsiders.
Alan McGee was also a fan, and when they inevitably signed to Creation in the mid-nineties, bouyed up by the label’s influx of Oasis cash, I was astonished by all the number of my friends who suddenly came out of the woodwork saying they’d always been fans. Once again, the sexier and camper goths, anarchists and leather jacketed rock and roll boys who rolled their own tobacco nipped down to the local record shop to buy “Naked Girl Falling Down The Stairs”. “Ha ha!” a friend of mine barked delightedly on learning of the title. “You couldn’t get a more Cramps song title than that”.
I’m in danger of making them sound like a gargantuan cult, though, one of those bands who accidentally pulled in so many freaks and art school kids that they were a constant Top 40 threat. That’s far from the truth. The Cramps played the club circuit and lived in the cracks and airless caverns of society, supported by a loyal fanbase but never making sense to quite enough people to come close to being called a phenomenon.
In 1985, “Can Your Pussy Do The Dog” proved to be the closest they’d come so far to a breakthrough, and given that, it’s surprising how much of a step backwards it sounds. It has the same wide-eyed swaggering rock vocals of The Damned in their punk prime, a similar hollow, under-produced yet heavy duty whack to last year’s psychobilly movement, and very faint echoes of The Fall at their rawest and scratchiest (in other words, the group The Fall had ceased to be). The key thing to remember when pulling these various similarities together, though, is The Cramps were on the opposite side of the ocean in New York while all these things were occurring in Britain. The psychobilly scene owed them a debt, and similarities to any other punk bands were usually either coincidental, or entirely due to transatlantic admiration of their work.
Moreover, just when you think you’ve got the hang of “Pussy” and are nodding away to its raw power, a killer buzzsaw guitar solo emerges from the ether and gives the song a second wind of handclaps, cheers and semi-improvised vocal meanderings. It’s the perfect party song for all the perverts in town – messed-up, savage and loud but so cartoonishly sexy that it’s completely impossible to either be repulsed or turned on by it, unless you’re the kind of weirdo who finds Betty Boop cartoons alluring (and if so, The Cramps would probably have wanted to hear from you).
As hinted above, it’s absolutely not the last time we’ll hear from them in the indie chart. They would continue to issue records to their devoted fanbase until well into the 00s – a period which, given the arrival of The Horrors and numerous other depraved garage thrashers, potentially could have been more welcoming to them than it ultimately was. In the end, though, the group’s time under the spotlight came to a tragic end in 2009 when lead singer Lux Interior passed away.
New Entries Elsewhere in the Charts
18. Johnny Thunders and Patti Palladin - Crawfish (Jungle)
Peak position: 11
“Crawfish” was an old rock and roll standard penned by Wise & Wisemen and subsequently performed by Elvis Presley in 1958. If Presley’s version sounds oddly close to British skiffle in places, with the rhythm sounding as if its coming from a series of upturned wooden crates, Thunders and Palladin make it sound sleek and sexy and uncannily close to Roxy Music’s “Love Is The Drug”; in fact, you can imagine Bryan Ferry nodding with sincere approval at this translation of the song.
It formed part of the “Copy Cats” album released by the pair, which saw various classic rock and roll covers picked up, dusted off and given their special makeover.
22. The Scientists - You Only Live Twice (Karbon)
Peak position: 22
Another cover, this time of Nancy Sinatra’s classic from garage rockers The Scientists. It ties it to the back of a near decrepit car and takes it down bumpy, uncertain country lanes, disproportionately angry lead vocals meeting disordered piano lines and a persistent, unyielding slide guitar.
It’s from the school of “take a well crafted song and hurl it angrily around the garage like a rusty old tin can”, and how much mileage you get from it may depend on how effective you find such ideas.
27. The Godfathers - I Want You (Corporate Image)
Peak position: 27
The Godfathers were well on their way to being deemed essential live attractions on the UK circuit by late 1985, but that never seemed to translate into the record sales you’d expect. While it has a cool snakiness on its side, “I Want You” is perhaps a bit too tame for its own good; where you expect explosions to occur, you get a much more radio-friendly gloss and order.
Future releases would contain a little bit more spark and edge.
29. Paul Haig - Heaven Help You Now (Operation Afterglow)
Peak position: 29
If Erasure couldn’t break through in 1985, Paul Haig didn’t have a hope in hell. “Heaven Help You Now” is old fashioned peppy synth pop with occasional distorted guitar breaks peppering the digital sauce. Haig dives into the chorus forcefully and without shame, daring you to laugh at him for attempting to write a hit.
30. Robert Wyatt - The Age Of Self (Rough Trade)
Peak position: 30
If Wyatt effectively diagnosed society’s malaise in 1985 with “The Age Of Self”, even he perhaps couldn’t have predicted how long it would drag on for. Forty years hence, have things really got better?
His light, earthy voice sits atop a basic, pulsing drum machine pattern (oddly almost akin to George McCrae’s “Rock Your Baby”) while fat basslines and eerie keyboard lines spook past him. In common with so much of Wyatt’s work, it’s unfussy but incredibly intriguing – of all the old seventies prog and art rock artists still recording, he seemed the most in tune with the strangeness of the eighties.
Week Two
14. The Men They Couldn't Hang - Greenback Dollar (Demon)
Peak position: 7
The Men are back, this time with a cover of Hoyt Axton’s “Greenback Dollar”. If their earlier records were seeped in English folk, this one sounds as if they’re almost tempted to throw their lot in with the psychobilly crowd; but perhaps by 1985, old school rock and roll had become folk music in itself.
No matter the reasons; “Dollar” rips along forcefully here, one eye on the past, and the other on the problems of the present.
23. Yeah Yeah Noh - Temple of Convenience (In Tape)
Peak position: 23
24. The Pastels - I'm Alright With You (Creation)
Peak position: 24
If subsequent events on Creation – the hype of the Mary Chain, the accessibility of The Bodines – felt as if they left The Pastels looking slightly ignored in a cobwebby corner, the band ploughed on regardless in their own haphazard way.
“I’m Alright With You” is a fey, dreamy bit of indiepop which strums and bangs awkwardly away, sounding like a long-lost acetate of a late sixties popsike ballad marked “demo version”. The Pastels shambling hesitance was partly borne of slight incompetence – certainly vocally speaking – but when it combined with the right melody, as it does here, that amateur aesthetic feels like a warm welcome from a dear old friend.
28. Hula - Walk On Stalks Of Shattered Glass (Red Rhino)
Peak position: 28
Week Three
9. The Cult - Revolution (Beggars Banquet)
Peak position: 9
The Cult were back in whip-smart time with their follow-up to “Rain”, which was also their last ever entry in the NME Indie Charts (and a substantially less convincing hit than either of the two singles which came before it).
It’s altogether moodier too, its slow, steady pulse allow Astbury to muse forcefully and seriously on the concept of revolution. “What does revolution mean to you?” he asks. “To save today's like wishing in the wind/ All my beautiful friends have all gone away”. It sounds like an attempt at a profound rock ballad written by Artificial Intelligence – not very good, in truth.
It falls out of the indie charts within a matter of two weeks, entirely due to the NME seeing sense and cutting all Beggars Banquet releases from the charts. This also means its the last we’ll see (for awhile) of The Fall.
15. Danielle Dax - Yummer Yummer Man (Awesome)
Peak position: 9
The indie chart debut for the beautiful oddball Dax, who tended to shower her songs with more invention than almost any of her peers who also nestled in the goth/post-punk zone. “Yummer Yummer Man” clatters and bangs away while Dax glares at us, wild-eyed, like Marc Bolan’s scrap metal collecting sister.
It owes as much to glam rock, the blues and seventies art rock as anything the eighties spat out, and as a result seems considerably more rounded. Nobody else could have recorded anything that sounded like this, and that’s the mark of an interesting artist as opposed to a fleeting scenester.
22. The Flowerpot Men - Walk On Gilded Splinters (Compost)
Peak position: 22
25. The Housemartins - Flag Day (Go! Discs)
Peak position: 25
Paul Heaton apparently cried after finishing recording this single, not because he was so overwhelmed with happiness about finally getting a chance to put a 45 out, but due to how ineffective he felt it sounded. The gap between the reality in Housemartins world and his fantasy destination felt broad and overpoweringly real at this stage.
Listening to it again, it’s hard to understand his issue. “Flag Day” might not sound like a hit or even a classic, but its righteous ire is forceful and compelling – “Try shaking your box in front of the Queen!” spits Heaton in response to Britain’s endless charity drives while the wealthy received tax cut after tax cut. “Too many Florence Nightgales/ not enough Robin Hoods”, he complains elsewhere.
Not that it’s a punkish rant. “Flag Day” has its own peculiar kind of soul, as demonstrated by the mournful, wintery trumpet sounds in the final few bars, making the single a despairing ballad about the state of 1985. I bet Robert Wyatt liked it too.
It certainly didn’t sell especially well, though, and Go! Discs clearly over-estimated likely demand. For years afterwards, even when The Housemartins broke through, cut price bargain copies could be found littering record stores. I’m not ashamed to say I rescued one of them and still own it to this day.
28. The Farm - Steps of Emotion (Probe Plus)
Peak position: 28
Don’t pity The Housemartins too much, though, for they would become proper pop stars within about six months. The Farm, on the other hand, had years of modest indie action and skintness to look forward to before their nineties breakthrough.
“Steps Of Emotion” is perhaps as good as – maybe even better than - most of their baggy output, taking reggae rhythms and lo-fi thudding and coming up with a lilting dancefloor sound nothing in this week’s Indie Top 30 comes even close to. There always was a “dance element” to their music, you know. They weren’t lying.
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Number One In The Official Charts
Feargal Sharkey: "A Good Heart" (Virgin)
Wham!: "I'm Your Man" (Epic)
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