53. The Smiths - William, It Was Really Nothing (Rough Trade)

Number one for four weeks from w/e 8th September 1984

Maybe it’s because I’m a Wire fan, but I’ve always admired compactness and brevity in pop*. The structure of the traditional pop or rock song usually involves heavy repetition, and however much indie groups claim to be outside the concerns of commerciality, they usually obey one of pop’s key principles – if you don’t hammer the fuck out of your song’s strongest hook, not only will it be less likely to get airplay, but any airplay it does receive won’t be noticed as much by the listeners.

By 1984, producers and bands were filling singles to their maximum run times, stuffing the turkey baster with the chorus and then ramming the grooves right up to the record label with its repetition. Even outside of some (mostly pointless and hastily cobbled together) extended twelve inch versions, songs often sprawled beyond their natural run-times and outstayed their welcomes.

“William, It Was Really Nothing” is probably my favourite Smiths song because it steps so far outside this usual structure while also fizzing to the brim with ideas. It comes across as a pile-up of grievances, a betrayed rant in song form, starting with an almost jaunty melody from Marr, before Morrissey whines “The rain falls hard on a humdrum town/ This town has dragged you down”, repeats himself, then adds “and everybody’s got to live their lives”. You’re immediately invited to envisage him strolling agitatedly through some red-brick suburban overspill with no discerning features.

It then makes a huge lyrical leap, using the town not as a reason to sympathise with the predicament of the person the song is aimed at, but to accuse them of building their own prison. William, whose life is “nothing”, is accused of staying with a fat girl – the only bit of the song I feel uncomfortable with, surely the main problem with her isn’t her obesity? - whose only aspiration in life seems to be marriage.

The song feels split in two halves. The first section sets the scene, and Marr and the rest of the Smiths are sprightly and busy throughout, setting you up for the idea that this is going to be an antsy tune about suburban ennui. Following the lines “God knows I’ve got to live mine”, though, things shift, the guitar begins to twang on a despairing line, then we get to the chorus and Marr’s fingers seem to blur through a furiously picked but very pretty and Byrdsian jangle. The chorus repeats once before the whole lot bends and folds like a house of cards, leaving only some ambient inconclusive guitar chords ringing.

It feels as if a tornado has appeared, thrashed around the edges of town, then left a few stray pieces of metal to rattle and sing out as it collapses. The effect is spectacular and surprisingly pretty – rarely do you hear a piece of music where betrayal and fury sounds so fussy and intricate, like a carefully designed doily with “fuck you” written in the centre – a song about courtship and romance where Marr’s guitar lines chime slightly like wedding bells in places, but do so with agitation not celebration.

Morrissey mentioned that “William It Was Really Nothing” was his attempt at writing an anti-marriage record for men, noting that women were always being told to leave their partners on singles, but men had little advice of their own to go on. There’s a slight tone of misogyny to the fact that he picked a “fat girl” as the central focus for “William” – I’m surprised female Smiths fans stood for this – but the song dares to observe that some women become unhealthily obsessed with marriage and begin to use it as a bargaining chip in relationships in a way men more often won’t.

39. New Order - Confusion (Factory)

Three weeks at number one from w/e 10th September 1983

In 1991, a peculiar, almost unprecedented chart quirk occurred. Bryan Adams’ single “Everything I Do (I Do It For You)” held firm at number one for so long that his label A&M were faced with a tricky decision – should they hold back his follow-up single “Can’t Stop This Thing We Started” until it ran out of steam (which it showed no imminent signs of doing) or just put it out anyway and risk it being overshadowed?

Ultimately, A&M took the latter route, leading to the absurd spectacle of “Can’t Stop” rising, peaking and falling out of the charts before its elder brother had fallen from the top spot. Radio stations gave it some begrudging plays and DJs asked daft questions like “I wonder if he can do it again with this one?” but everyone knew the answer to that question already. In 1991 at least, Bryan Adams was going to be The Bloke With The Robin Hood Song to Mr and Mrs Woolworths.

Obviously I’m troubling you with seemingly unrelated Bryan Adams trivia because New Order were faced with a similar flattering but awkward problem in 1983. “Blue Monday” was proving to have such longevity with both British post-punk kids and common-or-garden clubbers that any follow-up single was going to find itself competing with its predecessor both critically and commercially. On the official charts “Confusion” did lead the way for a few weeks, peaking at a very respectable number 12 (the same peak position as Adams’ “Can’t Stop This Thing We Started”, serendipity fans) before being usurped by their earlier release rising back up above it. It was almost as if “Confusion” served the purpose of reminding the public that New Order had another better single in the shops at the same time.

Despite being one of New Order’s biggest eighties hits, “Confusion” doesn’t seem to have quite recovered from being overshadowed. I can’t remember the last time I heard the original mix on the radio and I don’t think I’ve ever heard it played in a club (although this is certainly an "age thing" – the US club charts point towards lots of turntable spins over there at least). It was slightly grudgingly well-reviewed at the time, with lots of luke-warm praise littered with reservations; Tom Hibbert's half-hearted verdict of "vaguely toe-tapping" in Smash Hits not being entirely atypical. It didn’t appear to be what people expected.

I have to wonder if the shadow cast by “Blue Monday” was the only problem here. Immersing myself in this single again, the first thing I’m struck by is a hesitancy and uncertainty we haven’t heard from New Order since “Everything’s Gone Green”. Bernard Sumner feels fractionally out of time with the rhythm track and strangely ill at ease with the limits of his vocals for the first couple of minutes at least. Arthur Baker was one of the most credible American producers of the era, a painfully cool operator despite his unremarkable hairy appearance, and the group sound almost cowed, desperate to impress and slot neatly alongside his plans.

Eventually everything coheres, but the boisterous, Americanised chanting of “Why can’t you see – What – You – Mean – TO – ME!” feels tacked on, like a badge of New York street credibility piercing the skin of an underfed, pale Manc kid. More than on any post-Blue Monday record of New Order’s career, the group sound like they know what they want to be rather than aware of the strengths of who they truly are, but an unexpectedly monstrous hit will often create these schisms.