37. Crass - Who Dunnit? (Crass)

Two weeks at number one from w/e 30th July 1983

Sometimes political records treat the music itself as a bit of an afterthought. For every Joe Strummer or Billy Bragg creating records which stand the test of time as good rock music as well as political protest, there have been many attempts where the medium has been used (or abused) purely to carry some slogans beyond a cause or campaign.

Besides that, often people just want to dream use the charts as a medium for their message. As recently as 2020, Basildon controversy seekers Kunt and The Gang released the single “Boris Johnson is a Fucking Cunt”, then followed it up in 2021 with “Boris Johnson is Still a Fucking Cunt”, two snappy diatribes, the latter of which – thanks to the group’s weaponising of social media, digital music streaming and their fanbase - got to number 5 in the national charts at Christmastime. It’s doubtful anybody who bought either of their singles still plays them for pleasure; the motivation for buying both seems to have been anger, and the sense that the charts were there to be gamed to send a message to Number 10 during the Sunday Teatime chart rundown. Neither are truly terrible records, but nor is Mr Kunt in the business of attempting to pen poignant classics.

Nor is this behaviour unique to people on the left. It’s doubtful that any of Kunt and The Gang’s fans bought George Bowyer’s stiff and commanding 1998 single “Guardians of The Land”, a tepid and tacky CD protest single triggered by the Labour Party’s fox hunting ban (though barely mentioning the details of that “sport” in its lyrics). Countryside Alliance told their members that if they all went out and bought a copy, they should expect a number one – in the event, it managed one week at number 33 and if you’ve forgotten all about it, I wouldn’t be surprised. Most of the people who bought it probably have as well.

Perhaps, given all that, it shouldn't be a shock that the indie chart provides us with an example at the absolute extreme end of the spectrum here. I doubt Crass had the means or even motivation to hype “Who Dunnit” into the national top 40, but it’s the ultimate anarchistic souvenir single. Side A features Crass and some “mates in the pub” singing “Birds put the turd in custard/ But who put the turd in Number Ten?” over and over again in response to the recent General Election result, while a few bits of inconsequential half-baked comedy happen in the background. The B side is more of the same.

The single came on translucent brown vinyl housed in a transparent “evidence” bag, which was placed inside a cover containing turd-and-tissue art. It wasn’t the first time Crass had attempted to use a record to make a statement rather than be listened to for enjoyment – their Casiotone Christmas 45 in 1981 also did that job – and wouldn’t be the last.

There are two dominant theories about why this record existed. One is that the group were wounded by the 1983 General Election result and it was a deliberately hopeless response to that. The other is that they were increasingly tired of boneheaded punks buying their singles and barely paying any attention to the sleevenotes or lyrics, and wanted to leave them in no doubt about their political leanings.

While both theories arguably have a grain of truth about them, this sits alongside a run of other 1983 indie number ones which all, one way or another, tell us something about the mood among a certain section of society. Elvis Costello and Tom Robinson were deemed serious artists – whatever that means in practice - but were producing lyrically scattershot, angry, fearful records which sounded nothing like Crass, but had the same feeling of elasticated lyrical lines barely managing to contain all their rage and ideas.

36. Tom Robinson - War Baby (Panic)

Three weeks at number one from w/e 9th July 1983

At some point in the early eighties I caught a glimpse of Tom Robinson singing “Glad To Be Gay” on the television and sat dumbfounded. I was shocked not because he was gay, but because he wasn’t homosexual in a way I’d been lead to expect. I was a naive child, not even a teen, and my limited awareness came from the music press and national newspapers, who generally put either very camp and effeminate or exaggeratedly butch gay men front and centre of their coverage.

If your childhood is lived in an eighties suburban bubble without much other experience to draw from, that becomes what you think “gay” means (besides a bog-standard playground insult). Yet here was Tom Robinson, a confident but regular looking performer, singing about how proud he was to be gay without make-up or any of the other cliched stylings apparent on his person. How could he be proud if he presented himself as such? Why wasn’t he dragging up like Boy George as he must obviously want to do? So many contradictions here to which there appeared so few answers in deepest South East Essex. I chalked Mr Robinson up as yet another one of those Elvis Costello type performers who was too much of a studious riddler for me to make sense of, and went back to reading my copy of Whizzer and Chips.

Of course, in retrospect I find all this hilarious because – at the risk of heavily signposting the obvious childish errors and ironies – Tom Robinson was an absolute trailblazer for gay rights way before any of the new crop of performers had even left school. Originally discovered by Ray Davies, who briefly signed him to his Konk label in 1973, “Glad To Be Gay” was issued by the charity Campaign for Homosexual Equality (or CHE) in 1975 while Robinson was out of contract. He decided to declare his pride before punk had even emerged, never mind the more open and out aspects of New Romanticism, performing the song defiantly in front of rock audiences. To put this into context, homosexuality had only been decriminalised in the UK for eight years at that point, and seventies rock audiences (and indeed even allegedly right-on rock critics) were not always renowned for their tolerance.

"Glad To Be Gay" remains a superb anthem and portrait of an intolerant, "non-woke" period so many of my moping, sad-arsed fellow heterosexual middle-aged men and ladies would like to return to. Every line is precise and jagged, highlighting hypocrisies and societal inconsistencies so obvious they should never have existed - "Pictures of naked young women are fun/ In Titbits and Playboy, page three of The Sun/ There's no nudes in Gay News, our one magazine/ But they still find excuses to call it obscene". Those were the days, eh chaps? Still, at least we were free to drink water from hosepipes and trepan our skulls or some shit. 

There were other trailblazers besides Robinson, but few actually politicised their sexuality. For his troubles, “Glad To Be Gay” was banned from BBC radio despite containing absolutely nothing that could be deemed controversial a mere 6 or 7 years later. Other tracks of his slipped gay references under the radar and picked up radio play, and for a few years in the late seventies he scored hit singles on EMI, not least the deathless “2. 4. 6. 8. Motorway” which remains an oldies radio staple and heavily compiled anthem.

Later releases struggled, however, with even a songwriting collaboration with Elton John “Never Going To Fall In Love… (Again)” failing to chart. He was dropped by EMI, formed the rock band Sector 27 who signed to a reactivated Fontana records, scored no hit singles with them and promptly found himself completely broke, without a record contract or group and bereft of direction. He moved to Hamburg for a while acting as a musician for hire and gigging around the circuit in Germany, before having an unpleasant, alienating evening in a gay sauna which would at least partially inspire this song.

Frustrated, he spewed various stream-of-consciousness lines into a notepad, including the opening lines here “Only the very young and the very beautiful can be so aloof/ Hanging out with the boys, all swagger and poise”. Having emptied his pen of his thoughts, they sat in his notebook for an undefined period before eventually being used to fill “War Baby”, each line a complaint, a charge, or a recently excavated nugget from his anxious belly, each one not necessarily connected to the one before - “Corresponding disasters every night on the TV/ Sickening reality keeps gripping me in its guts” sits alongside “I don't wanna batter you to your feet and knees and elbows/ When I'm kneeling by the candle at the foot of my own bed” as personal angst jars and rattles against the universal.

You can speculate all you want about what “War Baby” is actually about – Tom Robinson has never helped us in this respect, and the safest conclusion to draw is that the chaotic state of life in the early eighties and his own personal life coalesced to create a frustrated outburst on 45. While the song itself is almost as anthemic as “Motorway”, the lyrical scansion is almost as loose as a Crass record, some lines stumbling hither and tither, stretching to try and fit the melody; I wouldn’t be at all surprised to find out that many of the lines weren’t radically adapted from his notes. Misgivings topple into panic then into grievance and fear before Robinson sings the chorus’s final hook of “I’m scared, so scared, whatever it is you keep putting me through”.

So far, so unbelievably uncommercial, but “War Baby” has major features on its side. The first is the gentle, rocking melody and seductive sax – two things much beloved in the early eighties – but the aforementioned anthemic chorus acts as a glorious, luminous lighthouse beam, spinning around and hitting the listener amidst the choppy scramble of the lyrics. There, in the middle of it all, is the message we could all cling on to. 

35. The Imposter (aka Elvis Costello) - Pills And Soap (Imp)

Three weeks at number from w/e 18th June 1983

Not really much of an “imposter”, more an interloper to the indie charts. While “Pills and Soap” was presented in some quarters as a pseudonymous “mystery single”, in reality Elvis Costello did virtually nothing to dupe the public with this, not even bothering to disguise his extremely distinctive voice. By the time it emerged in the UK National Top 40, he even appeared on Top of the Pops, where John Peel and “Kid” Jenkins both sarcastically pretended not to know his true identity (Peel: “It’s not Shakey, is it?”)




There were some very dull reasons underlying this quarter-hearted deception. In 1983, Elvis Costello’s record label F-Beat were undergoing a change in their worldwide distribution arrangements, moving from Warner Brothers to RCA. The protracted legal discussions had delayed the release of his next album “Punch The Clock”, and rather than also delay the release of the first single “Pills and Soap” longer than necessary, Costello opted to release it under a pseudonym on F-Beat’s “indie” subsidiary Imp Records.

There are two possible reasons why he took this path – firstly, there’s a strong chance that he may have been impatient while bureaucratic issues were being discussed in the background, feeing that if he didn’t get something fresh out soon, momentum may be lost. There was also the small matter of the imminent General Election in the UK, which caused the subjects touched upon during this single to potentially feel more relevant, pressing and explosive.

“Pills and Soap” could, to a half-listening person, be referring to animal cruelty with the references to Noah’s ark and melting animals “down for pills and soap”. This was the explanation Costello gave to the BBC when they nervously asked him what the song was about. Closer inspection reveals this to be nonsense, though. Firstly, the chorus refers to “children and animals, two by two”, then points its finger towards the aristocracy and perhaps even the royal family: “The king is in the counting house, some folk have all the luck/ And all we get is pictures of Lord and Lady Muck/ They come from lovely people with a hardline in hypocrisy/ There are ashtrays of emotion for the fag ends of the aristocracy”. There are other sharp, bitter tasting lines on offer besides, such as “You think your country needs you but you know it never will”, which totally give the game away.

If “Shipbuilding” was a sympathetic gaze at a community (and country) in crisis, “Pills and Soap” is unfocused invective – an unfixed list of the malaise that Costello feels the UK fell under in the early eighties; decadence, distraction, blind patriotism, the establishment worshipping view of the tabloid press. The animals and children being melted down are the expendable lower classes; though of course, the fact Costello is a vegetarian isn’t a complete coincidence here.

Musically speaking, it’s absurdly simple, with a drum machine generating simple, clicking beatnik Daddio rhythms which combine with Steve Naive’s thundering, Hammer Horror piano lines. It’s an extraordinarily daring first single to lift from an album, offering the polar opposite of so much eighties pop – while that was often elaborate and multi-faceted, “Pills And Soap” is threadbare and puts the emphasis and weight of the record’s worth on its lyrics.

How you feel about it really depends upon how receptive you are to such earnest singer-songwriter minimalism, and also crucially when you first heard this. In 1983, there’s little doubt that Costello’s observations were controversial and insightful. Britain was under the early spell of Thatcherism and the behaviour of the press and the Government in power was quite radical – earlier Conservative governments obviously held aspirations to defeat Trade Unions, but few had swung the axe with as much enthusiasm and as little regard for communities as Auntie Maggie.

34. Yazoo - Nobody's Diary (Mute)

One week at number one on w/e 11th June 1983

Imagine being the person who had to manage Vince Clarke’s career in the early eighties – that flibbertigibbet with the haircut of a sulphur crested bird who also seemed as unpredictable and (obvious pun intended) flighty as a cockatoo himself. Consider how it must have felt to have had a meeting with him, relaxed and confident about his current level of success and ready to talk about “cracking the USA”, only for him to tell you that he feels something’s wrong again and he's ready to move on.

Having quit Depeche Mode after only one album, Clarke then promptly formed Yazoo with Alison Moyet, only to discover that, primarily for personal rather than musical differences, they didn’t enjoy working with each other. Moyet’s extraversion appeared to jar with Clarke’s quiet, considered and non-communicative working practices, and neither could seem to find a way of making the duo feel like a satisfactory working partnership. The second album “You And Me Both” – appropriately housed in a sleeve showing two dogs baring their teeth at each other – was therefore recorded with Clarke and Moyet largely handling their parts in the studio at separate times, choosing to have as little to do with each other as possible.

It’s worth speculating whether a more experienced individual than Daniel Miller at Mute Records would have seen the signs or been able to intervene earlier. While there are exceptions to the general rule (Haircut One Hundred?) major labels are usually quick to smell groups whose working relationships are on flimsy or moribund territory. Yazoo were formed very quickly, not long after Clarke left Depeche Mode, and seemingly without a chance to get to understand each other – combine that pressure with the sudden rush of hit singles and touring, and the end result feels almost inevitable. In fact, it seems astonishing we even got two albums out of them in such short order.

“Nobody’s Diary” was the only single to be plucked from “You And Me Both”, and unusually was solely penned by Moyet without any of Clarke’s involvement. Whether the intention was that the record would act as a calling card to anyone wanting to sign Moyet as a solo artist or not, her subsequent view of the record has become unfavourable. Noting that she wrote the song at the age of sixteen, she appears embarrassed by the lyrical contents, feeling that her emotional experience was inadequate to handle the romantic subject matter.

There’s an interesting parallel with Depeche Mode’s “See You” here, the first Martin Gore written track to be released as a single following Clarke’s departure. That too was regarded grimly by Gore as he became older due to its schoolboy lyricisms, but unlike “See You” this single does at least feel more specific in places – “My head was so full of things to say/ But as I open my lips all my words slip away” summons a frustration we’ve all felt as a relationship collapses (ironically enough) into poor communication, and is followed then by a piece of bad, scattershot communication itself – “And anyway!” she snaps, changing the subject. It’s a world apart from walks in the park and sitting on benches, and shows that whatever her doubts were, Moyet’s sixteen year old self could handle this stuff as well as anyone else in the charts that week.

Melodically, the song is beautiful, opening with twitchy, metallic synth sounds before gradually blooming into something considerably more detailed and not as desperate and immediate as much of Clarke’s work. This is no pop banger, instead progressing gradually and unveiling itself, confident that while what it has to offer may be subtle, the song is strong enough to hold the listener’s attention without resorting to repetitive slogans or persuasive drum machine loops. Just when you’re finally admiring it and enjoying its company, it slides back to the icy, minimal synth riff it opened with before slowly fading away.

Moyet’s vocals ensure the song’s impact is fully realised. More so than on previous Yazoo releases, she gives the impression of fully throwing herself into this one, to the degree that when I read about her misgivings I was shocked – I had assumed she was singing about a deeply personal situation, so invested does she sound in the lyrics.

26c. Robert Wyatt - Shipbuilding (Rough Trade)

Two weeks at number one from w/e 28th May 1983

There's a rule in pop which feels as if it's been in place forever - if a highly critically acclaimed single or radio playlist monster is issued on an indie label and flops, the artist will release it again on a major label to give it a stronger chance. This applies to a single we've only recently covered (Aztec Camera's "Oblivious") which will finally grace the National Top 40 when it's reissued on WEA in the Autumn.

In the case of Robert Wyatt's "Shipbuilding", though, Rough Trade just had another crack themselves, issuing the single in a series of new sleeves and grinding the promotional gears a second time. As a result, the record entered the National Top 40, peaking at number 35 - the first time the man had breached the threshold since his cover of "I'm A Believer" reached number 29 in 1974. It also hit the number one spot on the NME Indie Chart for the third time, becoming the first record to do so on more than two occasions. 

While this was marvellous news for Robert Wyatt, Elvis Costello, and anybody who appreciated the song, there's really little to be gained from us entering into a fresh discussion about it. Anyone who is interested should refer back to the previous entry, while we sniff around the nether regions of the charts down below.

Week One

13. Monochrome Set - Jet Set Junta (Cherry Red)

Peak position: 10

Arguably the Set's best known song thanks to its appearance on seemingly every early eighties Indie compilation in the world, "Jet Set Junta" is arguably also the group's best attempt at moulding their sound into something purposeful rather than gimmicky. Those Hank Marvin inspired guitar lines and Joe Meek-esque echos and futuristic atmospheres meet jolly, polite indie-pop which nags away at you without becoming irritating. 

I'm slightly surprised it only reached number 10 on the indie list, but Cherry Red's constant hyping of this one has obviously distorted my view of its actual popularity at the time.

14. Aztec Camera - Walk Out To Winter (Rough Trade)

Peak position: 4

Produced by Tony Mansfield of New Musik fame, "Walk Out To Winter" is a subtler single than "Oblivious", featuring Roddy Frame at his most reflective, pondering love affairs which can only be measured in seasons, not years. "Despite what they'll say, it wasn't youth, we hit the truth" he tells us, sounding like a profound version of Donny Osmond. Oh to have been an eloquent teen.

This record also saw Rough Trade get very professional and corporate on us all, issuing it as a standard seven inch single as well as a four-track double-pack, all with the aim of pushing Aztec Camera over the line into the National Top 40. The single was too reflective and delicate to cope with such force behind it and predictably buckled, only reaching number 64. 

It would also be Aztec Camera's last record for Rough Trade before jumping to WEA.