90. New Order - Bizarre Love Triangle (Factory)

One week at number one - 29th November 1986

“Bizarre Love Triangle” is an unusual phrase for New Order to use. In the eighties in particular, the tabloid press used it quite freely, being obsessed with the idea of “love rats” in their “secret love nests” who were having adulterous affairs with a priest/ biscuit factory magnate/ headmaster. Hopefully also, these affairs would involve a significant age gap and/or some form of sexual deviancy.

A big reason these stories are so enduring is partly judgement – people seem to love being shown the failings of their fellow humans so they can feel better about themselves. Another, I think, is that extra-marital affairs, and especially “bizarre” ones, are not something we encounter as often as the tabloid press lead us to believe; in my own social circle, I can only think of a couple of examples over the last few decades. Even if their marriages are failing, people tend to not want the added stress and burden of the double-bluffing, fake diary appointments and secrecy affairs seem to involve. They’re usually too busy dealing with their kids and demanding spouse, and scrolling through their phone contacts wondering whether they should start speaking to a solicitor now or give marriage counselling yet another crack. I’ve encountered more frail marriages where a spouse has been wrongfully suspected of having an affair than those where one has actually been taking place.

This is true for those of us who have average jobs and ordinary lives. For successful musicians or actors, however, temptation is a constant risk. If you’re continually away from home, living in a bubble and constantly being flattered in an over-familiar way by people who not only find you attractive but have idealised notions about you – that’s a problem. Bernard Sumner probably knew that. Ian Curtis definitely did, as is well documented. And while most of us will never be idolised in that strange way, there’s still a chance that at some point in our lives, we might briefly be thrown into dangerously prolonged proximity to someone who finds us as alluring as we find them.

“Bizarre Love Triangle” is lyrically slight, but seems to exist in that dim reverie, that fluttering queasiness which comes from a magnetic pull that is never allowed to resolve itself. You can hear it in the arrangement, which is excited and buoyant but never quite lets go, the unreleased tension of the idea of adultery never letting it rip out of its shell. The chorus is elated, but it doesn’t feel like proper joy – those twinkling keyboards and soaring strings are pure fantasy, total idealism. In a proper love song, such effects would seem tacky, almost Disneyesque in their overreach, but because Sumner is singing about a possible affair, we accept the fairy lights and the pink backdrop. It’s a dreamworld. “I’m waiting for the final moment/ you say the words that I can’t say” he sings, but you get the impression that what he wants is never going to happen. Stasis is going to be the only result.

Elsewhere in the song he circles round the idea, gibbers a bit about the elation (“I feel fine, I feel good/ I feel like I never should”) then about the regret (“Why can’t we be ourselves/ like we were yesterday?”). He also has a moment of rare, direct honesty and borderline profundity when he sings “I do admit to myself/ that if I hurt someone else/ then I’ll never see/ just what we’re meant to be”. There’s the rub. Love triangles rarely result in anything positive. They’re bound up in chaos, guilt, and at least one person (and very often two) feeling betrayed and cheated. They’re not a great springboard for a successful new relationship – they involve messiness and an external judgement few would willingly entertain.

Nonetheless, New Order create a cocktail of confusion, guilt and airy fantasy which is intoxicating to the listener – just like the tabloid press stories, these experiences are always more enticing when they’re being communicated to us, one step removed. The strings hold a continual tension, the rhythms propel, seemingly egging Sumner on, the synth hits bark out their warnings, and it sounds like a massive hit single. The group were always prone to ruining their chances with over-long tracks, flat vocals or coldness in the past, but everything holds in place so well on this that you would clearly have it pegged as a serious commercial contender.

Clearly not, though. It entered the UK national charts at its peak position of number 56, possibly stunted on two fronts; the fact that the competitive Christmas singles market was just starting to froth up at its point of release, and also that it was taken from their two month old album “Brotherhood”, which most of their fans already owned. The end result was the single entering 18 rungs below We’ve Got A Fuzzbox And We’re Going To Use It’s “Love Is The Slug”, also out at the same time.

It’s proven more enduring than “Love Is The Slug”, though, continually appearing on critic’s lists of classic eighties singles, and it did find greater success in other countries; notably, it was a top five hit in Australia and was also the 28th biggest selling single of 1986 there. Despite the UK setback, all the signs were there that New Order were becoming not just a critically acclaimed band (which they hadn’t always been) but one capable of writing hits too. Commercially speaking, they wouldn’t fail as hard as this again for another 29 years.

New Entries Elsewhere In the Charts

10. The Wedding Present - The Peel Sessions (Strange Fruit)


Peak position: 7

The first Peel Sessions EP to draw from recent history, with four tracks from the Weddoes which had been recorded and broadcast in February 1986. Of these, the opening track probably held the most allure for fans – it’s a cover of Orange Juice’s “Felicity” which takes the loose, relaxed jangling of the original and exposes it to a roaring tension. The whole lot is over in less than two minutes, after which Gedge mutters “Sexy” to himself, seemingly happy with a job well done.

This EP marked the first time I’d ever heard “Felicity” and to this day, I can’t face Orange Juice’s original, which sounds too slow and too downright content with itself. Edwyn Collins may well have written it, but The Wedding Present stole it from him afterwards, never to be returned.

13. The Go-Betweens ‎– Lee Remick (Situation Two)


Peak position: 13


The Go-Betweens tribute to the actress “Lee Remick” was originally recorded in 1978 and issued as their debut Australian single. Its subsequent scarcity was clearly the driving force behind this 1986 reissue, but it’s still not necessarily something anyone outside their devoted fanbase needs to hear – it’s a cute, jaunty and not entirely serious love letter to a celebrity, recorded cheaply and hastily with drums so distorted they’ll threaten to damage your hearing if you tackle this with headphones on.

Lee Remick apparently heard the record and loved it, so the message got through and the matter can be put to rest. Meanwhile, if you own a copy of the original Australian pressing on the Able label, you’re in possession of something which regularly sells for hundreds of dollars. 

15. The Chesterf!elds - Completely and Utterly (Subway)


Peak position: 11


Yeovil's The Chesterfields were one of very many indie-pop bands of the era whose influences appeared to be somewhere between early sixties pop, The Monochrome Set and Orange Juice (again) while entirely lacking the groove and funk of the latter.

Charm was their main selling point, and "Completely and Utterly" veritably nods and winks its way into your heart, despite trying to sound faintly cross with itself. "I am sick of situations... nothing's changed in donkey's years!" states lead singer Dave Goldsworthy, but it doesn't sound as if it's about anything crashingly important. I've always imagined it's probably about something mundane like the local bus service, but - within the context of indiepop - that's actually a compliment. It wouldn't do for The Chesterfields to try to be The Clash. And in any case, crowbarring that phrase into a pop song, then delivering it in a polite rounded voice, is a brilliant masterstroke.

19. Madness – The Peel Sessions (Strange Fruit)​


Peak position: 11


20. The Shamen - Young 'Till Yesterday (Moksha)


Peak position: 17


Debut indie chart entry for this lot, although their climb to commercial success would be remarkably slow and steady – by the time they actually reached the National Top 40, some of the other indie groups in their orbit had peaked and collapsed (compare The Primitives career arc, for example).

Nor were they actually spring chickens by 1986’s standards. Their roots were in a Polydor signed group called Alone Again Or, whose 1985 single “Dream Come True” was closer to the slick mid-eighties synthgeist than anything they’ve done since.

“Young Til Yesterday” is a leap both backwards and forwards, featuring heavy doses of shimmering sixties psychedelic rock and pop influences as well as evil industrial drum loops, managing to sound improbably current for the era despite its obvious lysergic nature. The group would spend a couple of years in this strange hybrid state before slowly morphing into the rave-age act almost everyone now knows (and sometimes loves).

For the full charts, head over to the UKMix Forum

Number One In The Official Charts

Berlin - "Take My Breath Away" (CBS)