79. The Smiths - Bigmouth Strikes Again (Rough Trade)

One week at number one from 7th June 1986

“I'm not going to drag people down anymore. Everybody within this curious profession has to do their own thing, however obnoxious that may be. And nothing I can say is going to change that. Besides, I've too many enemies. It's quite distressing. It's a bit of a strain because one is welcome almost nowhere. I don't want to go to parties or go skiing with Spandau Ballet or anything but still it's become quite tiresome, this constant barrier of hate.” - Morrissey, Smash Hits, January 1985

“We're still at that stage where if I rescued a kitten from drowning, they'd say: 'Morrissey Mauls Kitten's Body'. So what can you do?" - Morrissey – NME, June 1986.

The Smiths opened 1985 with their signature single “How Soon Is Now?”, but it was a peculiar and somewhat understated year for them otherwise (certainly in singles chart terms). “Shakespeare’s Sister”, that odd stepchild of a single, arguably over-performed sales-wise, but “That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore” failed to reach the Top 40 at all, and despite its exquisite warmth, the return-to-form effort “The Boy With The Thorn In His Side” didn’t push them back into the Top 20 either.

It’s impossible for us to guess at how Morrissey truly felt about his continued role as an antagonist and tormentor of the old New Romantics, although I suspect he privately enjoyed it; in other words, I’m reading the two quotes at the start of this entry as being so tongue in cheek that they’re in danger of disfiguring the side of his face. The Smiths were the kings of the IPC music press, adored by most of the groups in their royal orbit, and Morrissey was frequently overly generous with praise where his direct peers were concerned (unless you truly believe Raymonde, Easterhouse and Terry & Gerry were cruelly overlooked superstars at the time). The people he reserved his tongue-lashings for were the Proper Pop Stars – the beautiful boys and girls in Smash Hits who were unlikely to be backstage at a Smiths show. Slagging off Modern Romance and Duran Duran must have been a fairly risk-free endeavour, rather than making Morrissey the Larry David of rock.

What undoubtedly hurt Morrissey, however, was his status as a mere cult figure. It’s addressed on “The Boy With The Thorn In His Side”, and his continued complaints about the group’s fringe status in interviews are notable. There was never a hint of staged angst, nor frequently any clever wordplay, when he came to the subject of the group’s marginal status in interviews. Despite the success of the “Meat Is Murder” album, Morrissey was not one to ignore the importance or the cultural impact of the singles chart or daytime radio play. Why be Al Stewart when you could be Marc Bolan?

Or even – why be T Rex when you could be The Rolling Stones? The groundwork for “Bigmouth Strikes Again” was laid by Johnny Marr whose initial riff was inspired by “Jumpin’ Jack Flash” before the lyrics were handled by Morrissey. It’s the first single since “William, It Was Really Nothing” to have a significant spike to it, a brio and a hook which screams in your face. Morrissey plays the wounded victim, but this time it’s very clearly for comedic effect. In fact, the lines “Sweetness I was only joking when I said/ By rights you should be bludgeoned in your bed” are almost too obvious, too try-hard – a protesting wail from an end-of-pier farce. The follow-up lines “Now I know how Joan of Arc felt/ As the flames rose to her Roman nose/ And her Walkman started to melt” are better, showing that however immediate “Bigmouth” wanted to be, he still had a keen sense of the absurd.

Behind him, Marr and the group play furiously. Marr’s guitar lines are an intricate, speedy rush as always, but it’s Mike Joyce who has one of the best moments on the record – the staccato rattling of his drums during the instrumental break sounding (unintentionally?) like the soundtrack to Billy Liar imagining himself machine-gunning another foe.

In fact, the whole damn thing is very Billy Liar-esque, Morrissey setting himself up as a comedic stooge rather than a wounded artiste – it suits him surprisingly well to be the self-parodying foil to the track as opposed to the unrecognised genius. The song itself, meanwhile, hammers and smashes in a way which almost recalls the height of glam rock.

66. The Woodentops - Well Well Well (Rough Trade)

Three weeks at number one from w/e 14th September 1985

In the Microdisney documentary “The Clock Comes Down The Stairs” – and indeed in some of the press interviews that surrounded its premiere – the group regularly mused on why they weren’t successful. The incendiary behaviour of their frontman Cathal Coughlan is frequently overlooked as an explanation in favour of other factors, such as the fact that The Smiths were dominating Rough Trade’s attention in the eighties.

I’m sure that this is largely true. Rough Trade were a small independent label often operating on creaky financial footing, and had to put the most money down on their leanest, speediest horse rather than gambling their lot on unknown quantities. The Smiths were certainly their prize filly, but what’s interesting is absolutely nobody in the documentary mentions The Woodentops, who were also rapidly catching up on the outside lane and were also stealing Rough Trade's attention.

The group, it seems, have largely been forgotten even by people who were actually in their vicinity at the time, but were distinct press favourites and earmarked as probable contenders even in the trade press. Rolo McGinty had previously unsuccessfully auditioned as the bass player for the Teardrop Explodes, and like that group, had a faint air of both the New Wave pop star and the magic mushroom guzzling hippy about him. His pixie-ish bopping made him a great English frontman in the Barrett/ Bolan tradition, while the group’s cocktail of influences made them a unique prospect.

McGinty’s rounded middle class English vowels met with frequently folky lead acoustic guitars, which mixed and matched with hyper post-punk tribal drums and squealing keyboards. The angular woodiness to their sound can’t have been unprecedented, but it felt simultaneously accessible and yet odd; the only real prior comparison I can think of is Unit 4+2 at the frantic and faintly psychedelic tail end of their career (give their final 45 “I Will” a spin to hear what I mean, but don’t ignore the better flipside). Even they never truly pushed the boat out this far, though.

McGinty made the approach sound very simple in a 1986 interview with “One Two Testing”, explaining “[There are] lots of different kinds of shapes but there's always this acoustic guitar and lots of backing vocals so it always has that kind of folkiness… The music of the drums, the bass, electric guitar and the keyboards is almost like a dream behind the acoustic guitar so the vocal and guitar are like Bob Dylan leaning against a tree, singing a song and the band is like a dream of the backing that's going on inside Bob Dylan's head when he's singing.

"He's not hearing this acoustic guitar, he's hearing this orchestra or something and he's singing with that. The acoustic guitar is just keeping his rhythm for him.”

They clearly weren’t approaching things from an orthodox direction, but the results could be astounding, and “Well Well Well” is marvellous. If you haven’t heard it in a long time, refreshing your memory is a valuable exercise – for one thing, it’s more intense than you remember, sounding polite and joyful but also faintly threatening. Rolo often sounds taunting while singing “Baby I know you like my way so wrap my soul and take it away” in the chorus, and the band pound, clatter and rattle like an old diesel train in danger of getting derailed behind him. It’s a steep downhill journey towards the buffers, or perhaps, in reality, towards a likely lady’s lap.

Usually when groups pick up acoustic guitars to enchant someone of the opposite sex, it’s done so with embarrassing displays of earnestness and passion rather than mischief, which is another way the group subvert expectations here. The fact that while doing so, they have a killer skiffling hook in the mix (Terry and Gerry would have undertaken unspeakable and possibly criminal dares to own this chorus) and know exactly when to stop is a sign that none of this is random, despite Rolo’s jazzy vagueness about their methods. It just feels eccentrically plotted, but unlike the off-kilter experiments of a lot of indie acts, it’s a scheme that Pops rather than jars.

52. The Senate/ Theatre of Hate - Original Sin/ Westworld (Burning Rome)

One week at number one on w/e 1st September 1984

On the previous entry, we focused on The March Violets, a goth-leaning post-punk band who used a drum machine to closely ape the patterns of a live drummer, resulting in a precise, leaden sound. It’s an interesting twist of fate that the following number one should be from someone from much the same background taking a totally different approach.

The Senate were a duo formed by Kirk Brandon (ex-Theatre of Hate) and Rusty Egan (ex-Rich Kids and Visage) ostensibly – so far as I can gather – to record this one single before both parties moved on to other things. For Brandon in particular, it probably acted as a safe space away from his recently collapsed Theatre to dabble creatively in a less volatile short-term environment.

"Original Sin" was Theatre of Hate's debut single in 1980, but this version veers away from the brief and desperate three minute approach of that version and embraces the Theatre of Hate's later love of dramatic sprawls. With wails and howls, the single begins and lingers for two-and-a-half minutes on his voice and Egan’s keyboards. It’s a barren and moody and initially almost overly desolate start.

Past that point, the track suddenly crashes into 1984 with orchestral stabs, ambitious evolving and rumbling drum machine patterns, and keyboard lines which aren’t a million miles from the kind of work Trevor Horn was delivering elsewhere. It lacks the production gloss or sure-footedness, or the sense that it’s the product of three months worth of studio work, but maintains a rough and ready ambition alongside a very nagging percussive drive. This is the first goth-adjacent single I’ve heard since starting this blog which actually sounds danceable, and is using its drama and sense of momentum to engage feet as well as some slightly macabre minds – dammit, it obviously is possible.

In common with a lot of Brandon’s work, I also don’t think it’s perfect. The lingering on moody atmospherics for the first few minutes feels overstretched, and there’s a slight sense in places that this is a cut and shut assembly of Egan and Brandon’s separate ideas; the way the track evolves and resolves itself doesn’t feel as clean as it might be. Nonetheless, there’s a sense once again that Brandon wasn’t ever going to settle on the “growl a few mysterious and dramatic lyrics over some second hand Joy Division riffs” stand-by so commonly heard elsewhere in these charts. “Original Sin” may not be a knockout single, but it’s a very surprising and enjoyable one, and its slow climb to the top of the NME Indie Chart is understandable.

Of course, it was technically a double A side with a re-release of Theatre of Hate’s “Westworld”, which we’ve already covered. It’s not clear why that was tucked away as part of the package, except perhaps to remind more casual fans of who was behind the record – I suspect a record billed as The Senate alone might have struggled to get as far as this one did.

33c. New Order - Blue Monday (Factory)

Returned to number one on 12th November 1983 for one week

Groundhog Day hits us again as "Blue Monday" jumps up from number three to reclaim the top spot from This Mortail Coil. Let's look at what's happening further down the... oh.

The fact is, this event also occurred on a very dull and uninteresting week where there are only three new entries, of which one is a future number one, and another is just an old record we've already covered with its B-side flipped to the plug position. Let's not make a big song and dance about this, let's just get this covered and move on to the main entry tomorrow, I think....

New Entries (such as they are)

24. Alien Sex Fiend - Lips Can't Go (Anagram)

Peak position: 9

There are very few groups on the goth circuit whose career has ridden the greatest crests of the movement and also the most loveless troughs, but Alien Sex Fiend have persisted against all the odds, throwing an album into the shops every decade since the eighties (with the exception of the 2020s, though I suspect it's only a matter of time).

This is remarkable as unlike some of their more well-known peers, they never really had a watershed moment. Their only album to get inside the mainstream charts was "Maximum Security" in 1985, which spent one week at number 100; beyond that, they've never graced the Guinness Book of Hit Singles or Albums with their presence. 

"Lips Can't Go" probably gives you an idea about why. The first time I played this a couple of weeks ago, I got so pissed off with its unshifting, minimal electro-racket that I gave up halfway through. Just now, however, I found myself almost enjoying its clattering, pulsing, horror-comic dirginess, and who knows, a third play might actually spark something. You can also hear the approach of groups like Nitzer Ebb and even Front 242 in its basic sound, proving that they were probably just as much on the side of the emerging industrial music as the sounds of the kids in that Batcave.

28. The Escalators - The Munsters Theme (Big Beat)

Peak position: 28

This was originally released as the flipside to their single "Monday", but Big Beat obviously noticed that it was starting to pick up more attention and subsequently ran off some new picture sleeves with "The Munsters" being promoted as the A-side instead... and here we are. In any ordinary week I'd stick the boot up this one and refuse to dignify it with more than a link to the relevant video - it's a re-release in all but name - but we're not exactly spoiled for choice right now.

Questions should probably be asked about why exactly a twang-tastic sixties instro take on The Munsters theme should have been getting attention nobody intended it to receive, and there are probably a couple of key things going on here; firstly, there's the minor factor that Channel 4 had started screening old episodes of The Munsters on British TV in the late afternoons, causing it to pick up new appreciation from schoolkids, students and the unemployed. Then, of course, there was the fact that goths were growing in number and desperate to pick up anything which had any associations with the ghoulish, freakish and bizarre. While The Escalators weren't courting that audience at all, it's safe to assume that a fair few of them bought this record. 

It's actually a very effective cover which sharpens up the original theme in the way those cynical approximations of popular television tunes did on Decca, Columbia and Pye in the early sixties. The group's guitars sound sharp as pins and have the clean, preppy tones of an instrumental rock era which is now largely ignored by most music listeners. Even in 1983 it was a little bit too niche in its revivalisms for its own good, which probably explains its inability to climb higher up the indie chart. 

For the full charts, please go to the UKMix Forums

Number One In The Official Charts

Billy Joel: "Uptown Girl" (CBS)

38. Depeche Mode - Everything Counts (Mute)

4 weeks at number one from w/e 13th August 1983

“With someone like Crass, all you can get drawn in by is the lyrics and that’s it… the music is so hard that a lot of people won’t go near it. But with ‘Everything Counts’ they’ll give it a chance and then they’ll hear the lyric” – Dave Gahan of Depeche Mode talking to X Moore, NME 17th September 1983.

The crisis continues. Crass may have vacated the number one spot, heaving the doors open and drunkenly chanting as they left, but the broader British malaise continued; the problem of what being left-wing meant in a society where Thatcherism and the harder edges of capitalism were portrayed as the only answer. You would have expected Crass to have something to say on the matter but Depeche Mode? Politics didn’t really seem to be their thing.

There had been hints of it on “A Broken Frame”, of course, but only in an obvious, non-committal way. Their sinister anti-Hitler Youth deep cut “Shouldn’t Have Done That” didn’t say anything new beyond “Fascism is a bad idea”; something even a Daily Telegraph reader could have got on board with (back in those days at least. Who knows now?) At the time, too, the sleeve offered little, the image of a peasant woman with a scythe being only the barest of hints.

In 1983, their third album “Construction Time Again” emerged with the cover art showing a man swinging a large hammer over his head while standing high on a mountainside, backed by an antiseptic mouthwash sky. It looked like something from a political propaganda poster, an idealised, romanticised view of the European working man. A few critics and fans were quick to spot something else – what if the scythe on the sleeve for “A Broken Frame” could also be interpreted as a sickle? What were they trying to tell us?

While Depeche Mode didn’t design their own sleeves, “Construction Time Again” wasn’t shy about the band’s left-leaning political ideas. It was an album I bought as a teenager and instantly fell in love with, because it expressed its ideas so starkly and simply, echoing my own emerging thoughts without clouding the messaging with doubts or ifs and buts. These days, some of it feels naive and the album has toppled in my estimations as a result – at its most preachy, there’s a thin line between the broad socialism they present on tracks like “Pipeline” (“Taking from the greedy, giving to the needy”) and “Shame” (“Do you ever get that feeling when the guilt begins to hurt/ seeing all the children wallowing in dirt”) and Michael Jackson at his most pious.

The key difference here, the artistically (rather than lyrically) revolutionary aspect, is that Depeche, influenced by the industrial music scene sprouting around them, introduced a digitally sampled crashing and clattering to the simple sentiments, not new in itself, but certainly a fresh idea in a pop context – its release date even beats ZTT’s debut record, The Art of Noise’s “Into Battle EP”, by some margin.

The record’s uneasy, irate mood was influenced by Martin Gore’s world opening up beyond the confines of South East Essex. Having travelled to Thailand and witnessed crippling poverty, then returning home again to comfort, he became struck by the concept of a world shrinking thanks to the availability of technology and air travel, but failing to ‘eradicate its problems’ despite the glaring obviousness of the disparity between wealth and poverty. The excuses of ignorance and television’s distancing effect could not longer be leant on if the problem was right there, literally in front of most of us, and also very literally begging and appealing to our better nature.

“Everything Counts” is so central to the album’s theme that it appears twice – once in full, at the end of Side One, then again as a brief, muted reprise at the end of Side Two, nudging us in the ribs gently. Its initial appearance is far from subtle. It begins with a grinding, panning, metallic effect, like the work of a panel beater echoing around a mountain valley, then adds large, cinematic, sombre notes and a wailing, unearthly Shawm noise created by a synthesiser. Within barely twenty seconds, the track has managed to enter into conflict with itself; modernity versus ancient art, progress against tradition.